This is another typical counseling statement that comes up frequently. I, of course, have no need to say such a thing because I am married to Cindy! There are however, people who have personality challenges and relationship challenges and conflicts. Anytime you put two or more people together in an environment where decisions must be made and opinions are given there is always a potential for conflict.
As I did last time, I am going to take this statement and look at the heart or motive behind it and apply biblical principles to it so that it lines up with the word of God.
As I read and pondered this statement what came to my mind was that it is just an excuse. It seemed more like blaming my spouse for my improper or bad behavior or disobedience.
Excuses have been around since the Garden of Eden when Eve blamed the serpent and Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit.
All of us have attempted to justify our actions at one time or another and have given some pretty pathetic excuses.
“It’s how I was brought up!” , “It’s genetic.” , “It’s just who I am” and of course the ever popular “The Devil made me do it”.
I had an opportunity to speak with a lady yesterday and she had been in an argument with her husband that morning and after a few minutes of conversation with me she admitted that she was wrong and then when I told her that if she wanted to properly reconcile with her husband then she should admit her wrong to God and to him and ask their forgiveness. Her response was “I can’t apologize to him and admit that I was wrong, he will use that against me, and he will never let me live that down.” She had an excuse for being disobedient to God who commands us to forgive.
Sounds crazy but haven’t we all been in a similar circumstance before. Where our pride, stubbornness or fear won’t allow us to admit fault and ask forgiveness?
Excuse (def.) --suggests trying to justify a mistake or failure or to make it seem less serious, in order to escape being blamed or punished... something said to explain an offense or failure.
There are so many excuses that people give for remaining in sin or even denying they are sinning. Some other excuses are “I just can’t do it right so why bother” or “It’s too hard”
I have searched and searched and I can’t find anywhere in the Bible, not a single verse that allows us to make any excuses for sin because of our personalities, background or circumstances. Actually quite the contrary, all of the verses and examples that I could find actually spoke against us using excuses.
Let’s look at one in the Old Testament…
1Sa 15:1 And Samuel said to Saul, "The LORD sent me to anoint you king over his people Israel; now therefore listen to the words of the LORD.
1Sa 15:2 Thus says the LORD of hosts, 'I have noted what Amalek did to Israel in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt.
1Sa 15:3 Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.'"
Now there is the command. God is very detailed and particular about what He wants. There is no ambiguity in those instructions. I don’t necessarily understand why it was necessary but all things are not for me to understand.
1Sa 15:7 And Saul defeated the Amalekites from Havilah as far as Shur, which is east of Egypt.
1Sa 15:8 And he took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive and devoted to destruction all the people with the edge of the sword.
1Sa 15:9 But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep and of the oxen and of the fattened calves and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them. All that was despised and worthless they devoted to destruction.
So Saul follows through with the command to attack the Amalekites but doesn’t quite do it the way he was supposed to. He spared Agag and the best of the animals.
1Sa 15:13 And Samuel came to Saul, and Saul said to him, "Blessed be you to the LORD. I have performed the commandment of the LORD."
Saul’s disobedience led him to lie to Samuel. What Saul is saying sounds great. “I have performed the commandment of the Lord”. How often, usually in the midst of some kind of crisis, do we say…”I am doing everything right, I am going to church, I am reading my Bible, why aren’t things going better for me?” When the truth is that you are reading once a week and aren’t praying and you aren’t submitting to the elders. But, we broadcast to everyone we know how great a Christian we are. You may be able to trick your friends for a while but you can’t trick God for a second.
1Sa 15:14 And Samuel said, "What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears and the lowing of the oxen that I hear?"
1Sa 15:15 Saul said, "They have brought them from the Amalekites, for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen to sacrifice to the LORD your God, and the rest we have devoted to destruction."
It is very likely that when you start slipping down that slippery slope of excuses that God will reveal to a friend or elder the truth about your excuses. Sadly, when most people are “found out” or called out on their excuses they prefer to run instead of repenting and correcting. God had revealed the truth to Samuel about Saul. What is this bleating that I hear? That is what our excuses sound like, a bunch of bleating! But here is the interesting part. Saul says that he disobeyed Gods explicit instructions so that he can sacrifice them to God.
We often think our way is better than God’s. We would never say that but our actions speak very loudly. We do things that are directly opposed to the scripture in the name of the Lord.
Proverbs 21:2 "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts."
We are deceived by our own wisdom and then fill others with excuses for our disobedience. God wants us to do things His way not our way.
1Sa 15:18 And the LORD sent you on a mission and said, 'Go, devote to destruction the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.'
1Sa 15:19 Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD? Why did you pounce on the spoil and do what was evil in the sight of the LORD?"
1Sa 15:20 And Saul said to Samuel, "I have obeyed the voice of the LORD. I have gone on the mission on which the LORD sent me. I have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and I have devoted the Amalekites to destruction.
1Sa 15:21 But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the best of the things devoted to destruction, to sacrifice to the LORD your God in Gilgal."
Even after Samuel reminds Saul of the Lord’s command, Saul still tries to defend himself and even lies again. He says I have obeyed the Lord. He is persistent in his excuse. Yes, he was obedient to attack the Amalekites but he was not entirely obedient. It is the same thing like when you kid says, “Can I walk to the corner store and buy some candy”? You say no, you may not and then you find out later that they went to the store and bought candy and when you confront them they say but I didn’t walk to the corner store, I rode my bike. They were still disobedient and trying to use the excuse of a technicality to do what they wanted.
1Sa 15:22 And Samuel said, "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.
1Sa 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has also rejected you from being king."
1Sa 15:24 Saul said to Samuel, "I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.
1Sa 15:25 Now therefore, please pardon my sin and return with me that I may worship the LORD."
1Sa 15:26 And Samuel said to Saul, "I will not return with you. For you have rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD has rejected you from being king over Israel."
God is looking for our obedience not our gifts. What could we possibly give God that He doesn’t already have? Nothing, everything comes from God. Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice.
Notice in verse 24, Saul say…”I have sinned, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. This seems like a good start, Saul is repentant. But watch out for this in your own lives. He is still trying to blame someone else for his actions. It is very close to a please forgive me but… I was wrong but…
We are held accountable of our own actions regardless of our circumstances. Going back to our original statement… If you were married to him/her you would have done the same thing. How poorly your spouse, your kids, your parents, your friends, your co-workers, your nurse, your doctor, or your friends act does not, should not, have any effect on your obedience to God.
Rom 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Are we, as Christ’s disciples, making sure that He is the first priority in our lives? If not, then we are simply making excuses, because the Bible teaches us that God must come first.
We can often deceive ourselves with our excuses, and justify remaining in sin and committing more sins. This type of behavior can happen over and over. It depends on how sensitive we are to the leading of the Holy Spirit and how immersed into a body of believers that will hold you accountable you are. Also, justifying and deceiving ourselves can make us believe that we are absolutely right in our behavior, and that thinking often leads to further sin.
Some have a perception that they are justified to sin because they feel others have hurt them or falsely accused them, whether it is true or not. Some believe they are justified because of their position or condition in life. Often that justification keeps a person from seeing the sin they are committing or it stifles their walk in the Lord. I have a little list that I found that I thought might be encouraging to those who would make excuses and allow those excuses to stop them from being obedient to Christ.
- Moses stuttered.
-- David's armor didn't fit
---- Hosea's wife was a prostitute.
------ Jacob was a liar.
------- David had an affair.
-------- Solomon was too rich.
--------- Abraham was too old.
---------- David was too young.
----------- Timothy had ulcers.
------------- Lazarus was dead.
--------------- Jesus was too poor.
-------------- Naomi was a widow.
------------- Paul was a murderer. So was Moses.
------------ Jonah ran from God.
----------- Miriam was a gossip.
---------- Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
--------- Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
-------- Elijah was burned out.
------- John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
------ Martha was a worrywart.
-- David's armor didn't fit
---- Hosea's wife was a prostitute.
------ Jacob was a liar.
------- David had an affair.
-------- Solomon was too rich.
--------- Abraham was too old.
---------- David was too young.
----------- Timothy had ulcers.
------------- Lazarus was dead.
--------------- Jesus was too poor.
-------------- Naomi was a widow.
------------- Paul was a murderer. So was Moses.
------------ Jonah ran from God.
----------- Miriam was a gossip.
---------- Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
--------- Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
-------- Elijah was burned out.
------- John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
------ Martha was a worrywart.
